| i'm not writing in my xanga anymore. no one comments me and i dont comment anyone so theres pretty much no point in keeping this. I'll just stick with myspace. |
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| I want to be in wichita right now. I would do anything to be in wichita right now.
and i really
really
really
miss shelby.
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| I have to say that I am extremely overwhelmed. As much as I act like I can stick things out, and as much as I like to pretend that I'm strong, I'm really not. I am so unhappy with the person I've become. I feel like such a slut... I can take it much longer. I want to go back to Wichita so badly at this point. Ever since I moved here everyone just treated me like a piece of trash, and up until now I ignored it. Now I seriously feel like a whore, like a nothing, like I won't make anything in life any better, so what's the point of trying? I'm not myself anymore, I'm not the person I was when I moved down here. My personality is slowly unraveling right in front of my face but I cant do anything to stop it. I'm like a watered down version of what I was before. I feel boring, plain, and irresponsible. I hate that so much, and nobody really understands (or cares enough to try). Seriously, I have to say, I just want someone to be here for me when I'm crying. Not a boyfriend, just a friend. Just someone to hug me, let me cry, and know exactly what I'm feeling at that moment. (like that's going to happen right?) At least not here. All the people care about here is themselves. The kids here are two faced and selfish, they don't give two shits about their friends. I really hope we move to San Antonio because I hate this place. I want to leave and never have to come back.
oh. another thing. I have to see the judge next week about my MIC. so I'll update on what happens. |
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"I've Been Eating (For You)"
So, I’m just the medicine
You take when you’re sick
You get well and that’s it
I’m put back on the shelf in your mirror
And it isn’t exceptional
The course of our fate
So, people love and they hate
And I guess it’s just our turn to hate
Yeah, you were just some song I wrote
A poem on a page
A sculpture I made out of clay
Desire was the flame
But now you’re more of a basketball
Boys just pass you around
They bounce you hard on the ground and dribble
And then we all get high fives
And you think I’m an asshole now
Well, you’re probably right
But at least I’m not blind to the facts
I’ve been wishing were lies
But still I hope you get everything
That you care to possess
And unbelievable sex with him
Or any one of my friends
But just don’t ask about my appetite
I didn’t lose it tonight
No, it’s been gone half my life
It’s just act, I’ve been eating for you
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fallingxxxbomb